Sunday, 5 April 2009

Fruit bowl

long and moaning post : sorry feel free to skip!!!!!!!!

My mums gone to kenya today.
she goes all the time because she works out there alot as shes in charge of usar (urban search and rescue) in south england and shes going out there to train firefighters in thika and giving them a fireengine e.c.t and doing up there station e.c.t with other work people, im going next time! in july, i was seposed to be going on another project of hers last april sround this time but i had just pulled my tube from my tummy out for the millionth time and it had got all infected from me sucking the food out of it to make me thin. its weird thinking back to that.
but anyway because of that i couldnt go and it was to romania to help with the orphanage building and id be teaching art for a month and stuff i was even spending my bday out there
its on the 29th OMGG NEARLY 18!!!!!!!
but im realy down atm as im scared that im going to get fully better (sounds realy weird) coz from the 29th my counceler wont be able to see me even tho i always refuse latly coz il be 18 and its a kids thing and shes going to call again on the 28th to see how i am, im so scared i need someone to be there but shes going to get me transfered over to the adults one but still omg
also when mums in kenya im worried il cut out all my snacks again because noone wil realy be around apart from my youngest sister and she liturly only eats 250 cals a day and realy underweight even though shes not boney? she just looks about 11 even though shes about 16 and she is a major trigger :(
but shes realy worried about leaving me this time but i told her to enjoy it (even though she will be working hard) shes lost out on about 35,000 pounds this year on missing bits of work, projecys and meetings and stuff and so i told her its important she goes back to work proper but my nan hung up on her and said shes a selfish bitch, my mum cried, my NANS the BITCH :/

sorry i dont meen to be all defetish like that
I was going to post my whole days worth of food but once i had looked at the pictures i cried, its such alot of food, im on the TWO HOUR PLAN which is like minum of 200 cals every 2 hours but obs more for dinner n stuff,mainly because i do it this way so that i can front load for the morning as i dont like eating beyond 7 as i like time to digest.
im going to post aspects if my days foods though as im more brave for that ;D
I LOVE this sandwich, mayve my altime fruit sandwich? i have them every day as of late.
this combination was strawberries that my boss angie picked up for me on her way to work *love her :)* vegan cheese chive/herb, soy butter on a new flavor rye toasted bread, 79p from tescos as an introductory price, scorrrree! and grapes, it worked beautifuly together, paired with a pineapple juice box.

Pineapple and vegan cheese sandwich, most REFRESHING sandwich ever, it didnt make me bloated HOLY COWW NOT BLOATED? ARE YOU SURE? actually i lie i was but i didnt feel like sick so its ok? meh its ok, and with apple juice SOOOOO gooood

This morning i was realy confused, thers no way i could have pu on 7 pounds in a week right? righttt?!?!?! because if i have im TOTALY FREAKING OUT bujbfusibfgsiiiiiiubgfibfusibfisbibi
but the crazy thing about it is if i realy am this "new" weight (which is my healthy weight) then why am i still boney? exspecialy as when i was this weight previously i wasnt at all boney?
this is major fucked up.

think it might be because my mum has been mucking around with the scales trying to weigh up her luggage...i realy hope it is because if im maintaining il have to cut back on my portions and i LOVE EATINHG

it was just great for my mum who went "good" but she dosnt understand that just to her its a weight but to me it is going to swim around in my head FOREVER


just fucking great

...ahm sorry aha errm :/

"Marmite and vegan parma tofu, corn pasta(shell and bob the builder shapes ;D) /courgette and boiled tomos"

"rice noodles, i added my tofu fake creamcheese to it and vegan parma. and microed it for a few secs and it went all creamy and mmmmmm ^_^ "

This wheat free rye bread i bought from waitrose OMG WE ARE IN LOVE i love it
i realy love it
..did i mention how much i loved it? no? didnt think so ;)

i toast it and put on marmalade :) yummyyummmy as i added two slices to my breakie meal for added calzz

sliced :)

toastedd :D:D:D:D:D:D !!!!!!!

oo i got my hair re bleached :D cant realy see it in the pic though - its not that short but its inside my hoodie

i made milkshake :) with soy milk and bits of fruit i found, was not that great though, lacked flavor which suprised me :(.. ima sticking with my bought alpro soya milkshakes for snacks from now onwards.. well on busy work mornings that is.

this was my vegan haggis, was the first meal my mum has cooked for me like without me interveening.. ok i platted it up because she shuvved way to much on there i shouted and she looked pissed off but i didnt meen to shout but i got worried
i also had some vegan fudge for desert, was scrum yum

im sorry for making this post so long
next time il make it short and sweet
this was yellow plum and vegan cheese and cinnamon.. i put it in the micro for 30 secs to make it melt, was maybe my ACTUALL favorite

the book im resting on was a rough idea for a game i had to make for my mum to take to kenya with her for the fightfights children in the slums, it was all firefighting baced though :) enjoyed making it

ima post pics she gets when shes back!

i decided as my problems are nothing compaired so other peoples that i wont moan anymore il be all happy n stuff, i kno its not what everyone needs for me to be negitive


flower said...

Bob the builder pasta shapes wow!
The sammies all look fab, Im craving toast and fruit soooo much at the moment.
Sounds like your Mum is going on a wonderful im sure youll have a great time when you get to go.
I wish I could give you some advice about your counsellor, Im sure she will try and find you somebody she thinks will help and suit you.

Rachel said...

Your sandwiches look amazing, I love unique combinations like that.

Your hair also looks beauitful! Really a gorgeous picture.

Have a good day!

Much love, Rachel

Joanna said...

i love your blog!! it's soo cute and colorful- definitely artsy.

your sandwiches look totally delicious. i love the combinations you thought of.

i immediately started cracking up when i saw the hand mixer!!! i've never seen someone made a smoothie with one of those. that's definitely innovative. my blender is terrible so i'll probably have to start using a mixer, too. i've wanted a vitamix for years but i'm way too cheap to pay that much money.

stay in touch!!

Meg said...

I love your foodies! And you are absolutely stunning girl! Your hair is so neat, I love it!

I hope you're feeling better about your intake and all, don't worry too much about it! Just focus on other things, positive things.

Your Mom's trip sounds pretty neat, and I know how you feel - my Dad is also going away on travel, but only for about 5 days.

Enjoy your weekend :) Love, Meg

jesslikesithot said...

yumm all your food looks so good!! those sandwiches sound yummy & so does the vegan tofu dinners!!! glad you are fitting in the extra food wherever you can to keep the cals up girl, and your hair looks gorgeous!!

Elle said...

All of your eats look delicious, and I love the board game you made. I loved creating my own board games when I was younger; I'm sure the kids your mom takes it to will think it's great.
I hope your counselor will be able to give you some helpful advice or refer you to someone who will be able to help you.
I hope you can stay strong while your mom is gone and not be too triggered by your sister - I'm sorry you're in such a difficult situation.
Your hair looks fabulous.

Much love,

Kiki said...

It's okay, this is your blog and you're allowed to complain. I really hope you stay on track while your mum is away. You've come such a long way since last april and I know you can keep making progress! Do you have anyone, friend/aunt, that you could call or go out with if you're feeling triggered? Or maybe even call your counselor? If not, you can always email me :].

Love the smoothie made with the hand mixer! You're too cute. Much love!

Emma said...

I know you can stick to eating well while your mum is away- stay strong!!

Your eats look yummo as usual. I love the rye bread sarnies, the one with pineapple looks especially interesting!

By the way I never receieved your package : ( I don't know if you an get a refund on your postage or anything if you have a receipt or something?

Anyway hope you are having a good day!

rediscoveringlauren said...

hi hun
i loved the comment you left :) thanks!
great eats, everything looks fantastic!
i love your hair, the colours so gorgeous and your stunning girlie :)
Your mums trip sounds really intersting, im sure shell have a good time. and youll be ok without her, your strong and youve come so far, so have some self-belief hun! and im always here if you need a chat!
take care girlie
much love